expatmamaintoronto

Mothering my daughter…

Posted on: March 29, 2011

I have an incredibly beautiful baby girl, Tikka, who is 3 months old right now. Yesterday while chatting with a friend, who is also a new mom, we were both overwhelmed with worry over their futures and protecting them from the things that plagued us while we were young children and growing up. My friend was paralyzed by the idea of her son being painfully shy as a child, like she was. She recounted a story of being at a birthday party and wanting another slice of pizza but being too shy to ask. She said “I hope he never is too shy to ask for what he wants. I hope he doesn’t get that gene from me.”

This really spoke to me. There are so many things that I hope my daughter doesn’t have to experience, though I know that when she does, she will grow stronger from them. The playground at recess can be a scary place. So can lunch break in high school.

My parents did everything possible to raise me in a healthy, loving, empowering environment and I owe who I am today to their parenting skills. Because I know what amazing parenting can look like, I feel a strong need to raise my child, and future children in a house that has the same value system.

Something that I am missing in life due to decisions we made as a family is a life long best friend. Someone who has been through it all with me. Someone that I met at kindgergarten and stayed close with until now. Some of this is due to the fact that I switched schools when I went into middle school, and then again when I was in 10th grade. But this is something I feel I am lacking. Througout childhood I did have many close friends in my various experiences. Most of them dwindled as time passed and we had less in common because or day-to-day experiences were so different.

The most painful friendship that fell apart was that of two girls who I was incredibly close with from 6-9 grade. These years were formative and scary as a girl. Having them as my friends gave me confidence and security. Unforutnately, they kept me on my toes too.

I was in middle school during the time that 3-way calling was invented. I wish it weren’t true. Girls would call people and get them to speak poorly about someone, or spill secrets, only to later ambush them by admiting that there were other people on the phone listening. It was a painful trap to fall into. I hope one day, no one 3-way call ambushes my daughter. I also, in very weak moments, encouraged other girls to do this as well. I was both being ambushed and then ambushing back. I wish I knew why I made such a horrible choice when I knew how much it hurt me. Thankfully I have learned and tend to live by the motto of doing unto others as I want done until myself. It was a hard lesson.

The friendships with these middle school girls unraveled quickly when I moved to California during the summer after 9th grade. They decided that I wasn’t worth the effort because I no longer could impact their social status at school. Yep, they actually said that. At the time it was one of the most devestating losses. I still to this day have the friendship bracelets that I got envgraved for them but never had the chance to give them due to our “break-up.” Obviously, looking back it is clear. These girls were trouble and not worth having in my life. But during the move when I felt so alone, I needed people that knew me.

I hope that my daughter has friends that are a good influence on her and encourage her to explore whatever life throws at her. Even if she has to switch schools.

I will warn my daughter that she will get her heart broken, but she will survive. And be stronger for it. But I won’t be able to stop it from happening.

I will warn my daughter that girls can be nasty and encourage her to treat others with kindness and respect, even if she isn’t recieving the same from them. She will need to lead by example. But, I won’t be able to stop her from being socially bullied.

I will warn my daughter that there will be times that she won’t want anything to do with me. But, I will let her know that I will always be here to love her, listen to her, and be her ally.

Being a mom of a young girl is something I take very seriously and I hope I am even half as good at is as my mom was. Then I know my daughter will flourish.

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6 Responses to "Mothering my daughter…"

First off, your daughter is adorable! Second, we all fret about our children…this is a scary world to raise them in and the most I can do at times is just hope for the best.

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Have fun with this whole blogging business πŸ™‚

That is so sweet! I feel the same way.

And your daughter is beautiful, too! We’re both lucky to have lovely daughters. πŸ™‚

Thanks for linking up your blog with us. Let me know if you install Google Friend connect so I can follow you or tweet me. I would love to follow you on twitter @Gingermommy

Your baby is adorable πŸ™‚

Such a sweet picture!!!

Visiting you from the Canadian Blog Hop πŸ™‚

Thanks for hooking up with the We are Canadian blog hop! I am now following your feed!
http://www.theknitwitbyshair.com

Love the baby pics! Makes me want to go through ours.
I know what you mean about the worries about what they’ll turn out like and have to go through. I have a 5 year old daughter (and 3 yr old son) and have more gray hairs from the next 15 years than the last five.
~joelle
mommamakesamess.wordpress.com

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About Me:

I am a first time mom of a beautiful baby girl. I live in Toronto and eat way too many cookies.

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